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  • Jessica Marie

It’s Complicated

I read and re-read the message. It was one of recognition, finally. I sat in glee, proud at the fact that my dedication was paying off and God’s grace was working still. Unable to rest, I paced the floor while reading the message once again; they were impressed with my skillset and wanted to interview me?! I called my mom to share the good news while simultaneously perusing the company website for hours – collecting data and becoming slightly obsessed in anticipation of my promised land.


I interviewed with confidence and in awe. Finally, a career in which I went to school and have dreamt about for years. A career in which I prayed and prepared. A career in which I passionately anticipated and patiently waited. Delayed but not denied, I believed, as the church folk taught me.


Yet, this interview turned into multiple interviews. No, not for the same company, but each interview yielded a different company, with different people, on different days. All of which I leaped for joy and gratitude, but none of which I landed.


Months passed, and I swear I applied to 200+ jobs on LinkedIn, alone.

 

When I graduated with my bachelor's, I expected to get a job in my field rather quickly. Not like the very next day, but you know, soon enough. Well, that did not happen, and I was in a desert for over a year. I recall working two jobs and still making below 50k. Just struggling, both financially and emotionally, as I worked like a modern-day slave and a zombie - yet surviving nonetheless because God was carrying me.

 

The way I felt then is how I feel now. Six months post-graduate degree, and I am in a desert yet again. Surely I thought, I would swiftly be offered a position to work in the field where I spent years sharpening my skills. I mean, do they not see the material?! *TUH* Though I am not in the financial ruins that I was in during my post-bachelor’s degree, I am still serving in a position that does not serve me. When I started my current corporate America job in 2018, I told myself that this was temporary – only a 2-3-year pit stop. Yet, here I am, year 3, and not even a potential career prospect. Man, how hard it is, but imma stick beside him.





And although God is still carrying me and providing like always, I often find myself weary. Like what else am I supposed to learn here? How much longer do I have to suffer? Am I even supposed to be going after a career that I invested thousands of dollars in? But also, when I try to quit searching for new opportunities and merely settle, there is no peace. How frustrating!


I am currently in this funky phase of maintaining a positive outlook while also preparing while also remaining patient while also having faith while also being repeatedly rejected. WHEW, a run-on sentence but an accurate depiction of my life. And as bad as I wish God would just come on and rapture me up out of this G-H-E-T-T-O (my family does not like for me to say that, lol), I know I have to remain steadfast. Can you relate? If yes, this is a reminder to hold on as we journey through desert territory while also anticipating promised land. It is ghetto, I know. And complicated, I know. And quitting looks pretty good, I know. And we want to sulk in the despair, I knowwww. But I choose to believe and press on, even if nothing happens for me the way I anticipate. Are you down?



Wait...do the kids still say that these days?

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