Updated: Aug 21, 2021
Specks of perspiration glisten on her face, a vein pulsates in the middle of her forehead, and her temples throb to a rhythmic beat. Her lips purse, her gaze drifts from reality to oblivion, and her sweaty hands clench tightly.
Back tense. Throat dry. Sporadic breathing. Heart thumping. Mind racing.
All of this is happening at the same time, yet she disguises it so well.
She sits and continues to get lost in her thoughts. Anxiety slowly taking over her body.
She feels like she is going to erupt at any minute. She wants to run at maximum speed, in no particular direction, but she is stuck, frozen, numb.
Tears well up in her eyes, yet she holds on tightly. However, not tight enough to keep one teardrop from sliding down her cheek. Her hands unclench, quickly wiping it away. The feel of fingers is clammy on her face. She continues to look straight, her façade appearing to concentrate though her mind is still in a race.
She is in a room full of people yet consumed by her thoughts. Everything happening in her life just hit her all at once. You know, sort of like when you are asleep and having a bad dream, yet you sit up abruptly and gasp for air? The anxiety and fear you feel send your body into shock. That is exactly how she feels - the only difference is that there is no gasping, and she feels no air.
Is there such as thing as rioting silently? You know, quietly disturbing the peace but in a violent manner? Like tearing the place up – throwing things, breaking things, punching things, but without a noise? Probably not. However, I am sure that there is such a thing as rioting silently within. You know, like allowing something to disrupt your peace of mind? Letting all kind of thoughts run wild, take up your time, move in, and potentially redefine your entire life?
To unpack it all would cause a lot of commotion - and emotion. So instead of letting it out, you keep it bottled up inside - whether it be fear, anxiety, anger, dreams, talent, or an idea. You shy away or stay away for whatever reason. You bury it and keep it pushing. But the thing about burying something is that it tends to resurface. And It will annihilate you in some way (if you let it), be it fear taking away from your confidence and self-esteem, anger ending your freedom, or your dream dying at the hands of inactivity.
Though silence is considered golden in most aspects, it is also deadly in others.
Let the emotions, ideas, and dreams out. You control it, do not let it control you. You speak in truth (and love), do not let it silence you.
She remained silent for the time being, not aware that her Father was there – observing, encouraging, speaking. In the months to come, she pressed through, little did she know that her silence would soon come to an end as boldness emerge.
She knew that she could no longer let the riot silence her, but rather let it ignite her to riot boldly.